Confusion brings clarity... I recently dated a guy that had me in a daze, Rem. My friends couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. They're used to a pitbull in a skirt, whose all about business, phuck negus. So for me to talk and act all lovey dovey, was totally out of character for me. Some were excited for me and others were like “Where's Mimi...Earth to Mimi???" My people who knew Rem were like "Are you sure about this?" I thought I was sure and I was committed. However this guy obviously had a slew of issues that had nothing to do with me... I'll give him credit for saying so. Nonetheless, I was treated haphazardly and felt undervalued. I remember when he said “If you ever run, I'll run faster, we're together forever." He broke up with me twice! It was like, all of sudden he wanted me in the box I have successfully stayed out of the majority of my life. And my blind, deaf & dumb in-love ass was ready to jump in, for the sake of what I believed was genuine love that was perfectly aligned, for the sake of the end result we desired; I'm a team player. The indicators lights were on, but I kept riding...What can I say? I’m ride or die; any guy I've dated, my friends and family will confirm, that.
In this experience I grew as a person. See, I was capable of loving, just not willing to let an outsider in the fort. So, I was proud of myself for being involved to monogamist, committed relationship. What I realized was the previous relationship opened me to that possibility. I was hanging with Uncle Frank again, it wasn’t serious nor exclusive, but I found myself desiring such after while. At the time, not sure if I just wanted him in particular, or a relationship in general. In that confusion of thoughts and emotions, it was clear what type of relationship is for me, what elements mattered, and what was no longer serving my needs. In that moment of clarity, I decided to discontinue business and personal with him because I realized that I wanted to be with one man who want to be with just me. When I returned to Florida, I cut off my sugar daddy and anyone else I knew did not fit the bill of my true desires. In the midst of learning what we don’t want, clarity comes about what we do desire. Furthermore, when you know what you want, you have to prepare and position yourself for it. The running back has to be in position when the quarterback launches that rock.
When you find yourself in a confused state of mind or a tumultuous situation, pay attention to what feels good and what doesn’t. In lies the key to clearly define your desires. And always remember what you whole heartedly desire, desires you. Until next time, be happy, be healthy, and be you. I love you!
